Liberal Media Elite

May I wish one and all a happy new year. And we should all be thankful that we don’t live in Pennsylvania, where they seem be doing a study on the introduction of frothy fecal matter to a high-power fan.

After all the votes were counted in the key swing district of Chester County (the West Chester seat), the Democrats gained a narrow 102-101 seat margin in the Pennsylvania House. But then the immortal law of the ever-quotable Yogi Berra came into play. “It ain’t over until it’s over,” Yogi famously said.

In giving the Democrats a one-vote margin, the voters each and every Democrat more power. Tragically–for himself, his urban constituents in Reading and its nearly areas, his reputation, his political future, the Democratic Party, and the people of Pennsylvania–Tom Caltagirone, now beginning his 31st year in the Pennsylvania House of Representatives, chose to use the additional power for the purpose of turning the House back to the Republicans.

Minnesota’s very own Norm Coleman weighed in yesterday on Iraq saying that he will oppose any surge in troop numbers there unless it is accompanied by a clear strategy for ending sectarian violence. Other Republicans have come out against it but are now going silent or openly backpedaling…’cause breaking that lockstep habit is hard. Bear in mind that a troop surge is universally opposed by the Joint Chiefs, the military leaders on the ground in Iraq, the members of the ISG, Colin Powell and absolutely every other military officer ever contacted on the issue. Reporters following up with Norm’s office have been told he will release a “clarifying statement sometime soon”.

Since a troop surge appears to be what Bush is building toward, with
lots of encouragement from his neocon friends and with the vocal
support of McCain it’ll be interesting to see what Norm does. Here’s hoping that Norm sticks to his guns.

We’re not winning the war. We’re not losing.

–George Bush, 12/20/2006

We’re Tied!

The Administration is now consulting with various interested parties on developing a tie-breaking system.

“The NCAA has been asked to make a presentation to the President on how this whole BCS bowl system works,” said Condi Rice. “Other parties will presenting the arguments in favor of a playoff.”

Sportswriters, via the latest AP Poll, have the US Army, the Shia Militias, the Sunni Insurgency, and Al-Qaeda in Iraq tied at season’s end. The Kurds, the Iraqi Army, and the Iraqi Police Force are reportedly livid at being excluded. “Well…the Kurds could have an argument. They’re undefeated but they didn’t really play anybody. The Iraqi Army and the Iraqi Police Force…please. Those guys haven’t won a game all year. Hell, they didn’t even score,” said a top Iraqi sports columnist speaking on condition of anonymity due to fear for his life.

Prior to any playoff or bowl system the Shia Militias will have to resolve a growing controversy in its ranks. The Mahdi Army has demanded that it be the sole representative of the Shia Militia. “We have kicked the ass of all comers, infidel and Shia alike Praise Allah,” said Mahdi Army leader Moqtada al-Sadr in a press release today.

The Iraqi government is proposing a Shia playoff prior to any bowl or national playoff system is put in place.

Proponents of the bowl system point to the additional revenue from a bowl series that will help fill the coffers of all the teams involved. Additionally, they point out that a playoff would require warrior-athletes to play too many games and possibly impact their war duties, something that is not in the best interest of the players, according to bowl proponents. Critics of the bowl system point out that a playoff would crown a single winner. “We don’t need another Korea where we’re tied for, like, ever” said a leading official of the playoff movement, speaking on condition of anonymity out of fear for his life.

In a recent development sure to have an impact on the eventual outcome, both the Sunni Insurgency and Al-Qaeda in Iraq have voiced strenuous objections to any inclusion of the US Army in either system. The Shia’s are expecte to join this protest along with interested parties from Iran and Syria.

As a side note, in a scene reminiscent of The Longest Yard, it is rumored that deposed Iraqi Supreme Commander Saddam Hussein is putting together a prison squad made up entirely of Baathist convicts and asking for a game with the US Diplomatic Corps.

In a letter to supporters Rep. Virgil Goode (R-VA) wrote…

“If American citizens don’t wake up and
adopt the Virgil Goode position on immigration there will likely be
many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the
Koran. I fear that in the next century we will have
many more Muslims in the United States if we do not adopt the strict
immigration policies that I believe are necessary to preserve the
values and beliefs traditional to the United States of America and to
prevent our resources from being swamped.”

It’s hard to figure out which is more offensive. His bigotry or his stupidity. Virgil, Virgil, Virgil…Keith Ellison (D-MN), the representative you refer to who will be sworn in using the Koran…and given the founding principles of this country included freedom of worship it’s something that is entirely legal and wanting someone who is Muslim to swear on a text he doesn’t hold sacred (like the Bible) means you value you the vehicle more than you value the oath…immigrated to the United States all the way from Detroit. Under the Goode Immigration Plan not only would Muslims be kept out of the country but, apparently, so would Detroit. I spent a year on a consulting gig in Detroit and I’d be willing to sell it to Canada for, like, twenty bucks. But, as of now, it’s still part of the US. And, if Detroit is retroactively kicked out of the union, our very own Bill here at LME will become an illegal alien. I for one am tired of him swamping our resources, along with all you other Detroiters wandering freely without passports and green cards in our great nation. Bill drinks a lot of beer and there are scads of kids in Oklahoma going to bed every night having to settle for 3.2 beer because Bill and his ilk are hogging all the alcohol content.

I will pull through my agony at the loss of Bill and my simultaneous anger with him now that I realize that he is swamping us to point out the critical component of Goode’s message. He has given the lie to the Republican anti-immigrant stance that prior to this was careful to circle back to loss of American jobs to greedy illegals taking those plumb gigs in lawn maintenance and food processing. Mr. Goode implies that his immigration policies would keep out Muslims. That he has a plan to identify and exclude people of a particular religion from entering and pursuing citizenship…something they would have to do to be allowed to run for office and swear on the Koran. Not because of jobs, not because of resource swamping (whatever the fuck that means) but because he just doesn’t like Muslims.

I will begin shopping immediately for a legislator who will sponsor my proposal to deport redneck bigots back to Europe. These people come to our country, exist on federal subsidies (water in the West, ag in the East), avoid our taxes, swamp our education system with their bigoted progeny, and clearly…hell, flamboyantly…loathe the Constitution. Go back to Europe, Mr. Goode. Go back where you came from. Go back to the place your ancestors left because they were being persecuted due to their religious beliefs and because the moribund economies wouldn’t support innovation and wealth creation. Go the fuck back.

We don’t want you here.

Detroit, on the other hand, can stay. And so can Bill.

Okay, this is old news. Look I’ve been busy, what with ten shows last week, a new dog, a new roommate and his new dog, hanging out with Rik last night . . .I didn’t get to all of this in a timely manner.
First on the docket, this gem.

Continue reading “Old News, Part the First.”

Oh, this is just sad. The Strib is proudly running a story entitled “Anti-Hatch ads funded by Swift Boat donor.”

Hey, guys? That boat left the docks, like, ages ago. It was swift. Har, har. The AP story about it on November 3. ‘Member? Huh, huh?

No? Try this.

The amount of money, the group, the likely contributor. Everything. Right there. AP. Six weeks ago. Way to go, Pat Doyle! Christmas bonus for you! AWESOME REPORTING!

Not that knowing from whence attack money came from made a lick of difference in the governor’s race outcome. (I’m still not convinced disclosure laws sway the electorate. That’s like saying people will stop eating hamburgers once they know where the meat comes from. Which, uhhhh, they don’t.) I still don’t know what sunk Hatch—nor, truth be told, do I care, since it’s Mike Hatch fer Chrissakes—but I’m just so proud to see that the state’s largest paper could stop talking about the cultural merits of Hollidazzle long enough to report. Or rewrite the AP archives. Or something.

I don’t know. The Strib’s behavior makes no sense to me. Maybe they’ll increase the font size again. If that doesn’t stop print journalism from hemorrhaging, I don’t know what would.

PS. Godspeed, Anders Gyllenhaal. Godspeed.

Some interesting things in just released Pentagon and GAO reports.

Baghdad ain’t got electricity for shit. There are nine main transmission lines from electric generation plants outside the city. Seven of ‘em are down. And have been for a long time. And will stay that way as the insurgents (a wonderfully vague term that makes it sound like there is one group involved…there are many) refine their already effective means for taking down the towers that hold up the power lines. Baghdad now has power less often and less predictably and for shorter durations than it did before the war. And Baghdad is the place where it runs the best.

60% of the population ain’t getting potable water. Though the capacity is there, the execution is not due to leakage, contamination, and general fucking up.

Though attacks on US military personnel have jumped through the roof, military death and injuries have stayed fairly constant. Which is a good thing. It ain’t great that the troops are in greater danger, of course, but it’s rockin’ that despite stepped up attacks on them, the death and injury rate is not escalating along with the attacks. However, deaths an injuries among Iraqi civilians, military, and security forces are shooting through the roof. Eventually, the Iraqis, if they haven’t already, are gonna get hip to that. And when they do, how likely you think it is that those that are in favor of the US presence stay in favor of the US presence?

Winning hearts and minds starts with water to drink, keeping the lights on and keeping people from getting killed.

If this is winning, losing must be a motherfucker.

California’s much ballyhooed (ballyhoo’d?) stem cell research funding was approved by a startling majority two years ago. Still, two years later, not a single bond has been issued. It is not lack of will on the part of government. The Governator has loaned the state’s stem cell program $150 million from the general fund to get them moving. Even more impressive, private donors have given the state $31 million to jump start the program while simultaneously donating near $100 million to universities in the state to expand and improve their stem cell research programs.

Why hasn’t the state issued a bond given that the Governator is a major proponent, the state legislator supports it, private interests dig it and, most important, the population voted for it?

A lawsuit by a taxpayer organization and, of course, a rabid Christian group. In April a state judge issued a rather strongly worded decision against the lawsuits. It is currently being appealed. Most state court watchers expect the lawsuits to be dead within a few months.

One of the attorneys representing the lawsuit was quoted in the WaPo today.

“We act like women are just some commodity that are there to donate
their eggs to science. It’s ridiculous,” said Susan Spann, one of the
attorneys suing the state of California to block the stem cell bond
sales. “If they want to do stem cell research, let them fund it
privately. Why involve taxpayers in their agenda? Let Dolby fund it, or
whoever.”

For an attorney, Ms. Spann shows a remarkable lack of familiarity with the basic tenets of democracy. California’s stem cell policy, she correctly points out, allows women to donate their eggs to science if they so choose. So, she seems to get that part of it. It’s the involvement of public funds that gets her all a-gaggle and confused. The reason, dear girl, you involve taxpayers in said agenda is because it is the taxpayers agenda. They voted for it.

We can conclude one of two things:

1. America’s law schools are so busy teaching intellectual property law and basic ambulance chasin’ that they are giving short shrift to democracy 101.
2. Ms. Spann is a fuckin’ idiot.

I’m hoping it’s the latter. Can you be disbarred for being completely ignorant on the basic principle of this nation of laws? Shouldn’t that be grounds? Alas, I’m not an attorney so I don’t know. If nothing else Ms. Spann’s clients should be questioning their choice of attorney. It is unlikely she can be effective working within a system that so thoroughly baffles her.

The Joint Chiefs are unanimous in their opposition to the Bush (with an assist from McCain) “surge” strategy. As always, any Iraq policy that springs forth from the addled mind of the Boy Who Would Be King tortures the definition of strategy.

But the Joint Chiefs think the White House, after a month of talks,
still does not have a defined mission and is latching on to the surge
idea in part because of limited alternatives, despite warnings about
the potential disadvantages for the military, said the officials, who
spoke on the condition of anonymity because the White House review is
not public.

But wait…there’s more!

Even the announcement of a time frame and mission — such as for six
months to try to secure volatile Baghdad — could play to armed
factions by allowing them to game out the new U.S. strategy, the chiefs
have warned the White House.

It is an unbelievable exercise in denial to even think about sending more US service people into battle without any kind of mission. Who will they fight for or with? Who’s the enemy? And, as it has been since we invaded Iraq, what is the definition of a win? This has never been clear in Iraq. Ever. It is the fundamental problem with our strategy. In any implementation of a strategy there must be a well-defined and clear purpose. This allows you to direct all your operations toward hitting that mark. This allows those executing (in this case US military personnel) to have the morale boost of achieving an objective. This allows the leaders to declare a job well done when the target is hit or to adjust when efforts fall short. Wars are usually long grinds. Having that clearcut target allows you to march consistently forward…allows you to figure out if you are moving forward at all.

There has never been a clear goal in Iraq. Often the press harps on the changing goals in Iraq…WMD, remove Saddam, democratic elections, stand up/stand down. This is presented in a linear fashion. Go back and look at the key addresses by Bush, Cheney, and Rice on Iraq. There has been nothing linear about it. They have been masterful at confusing the issue by presenting multiple goals (and those are ever-changing and expanding) simultaneously until they hit on the blessedly (for them) vague goal of stand up/stand down.

Find me any meaningful measure that shows improvement in any facet of Iraq since we went in. We are not safer. The Iraqi people are not better off. Our military is not stronger. On all three of those big measures we have gone backward. We only ever go backward in Iraq. This is likely why I find myself screaming at the TV whenever The Boy Who Would Be King talks about “the way forward”. You’ve had four years, dude. And you’ve yet to show us that you can locate which direction forward is, let alone move in that direction.

Whatever it might have been at the beginning, and conceding that there ever was a clearly defined goal in Iraq is giving this trainwreck of an administration waaaaay to much benefit of the doubt, the overarching goal in Iraq is now nothing more than allowing the President to save face by extending it long enough so that it is still going on when he leaves office and it will be someone else’s problem…someone else’s fault. I have never thought Bush is dumb. I have thought he’s evil…but not dumb. I think he has learned well the political lessons of Vietnam. Who is blamed for Vietnam? Mostly Nixon. Sometimes LBJ. Who put us there? Kennedy. His name don’t come up all that much, does it? The Boy Who Would Be King is using the lives US military and military reserve personnel as pawns that allow him to manipulate his legacy.

Using Condi he has already told us he will not take the ISG recommendation for talks with Iran and Syria. He himself has told us that the ISG is irrelevant by not proposing a timetable for withdrawal, indeed by rejecting withdrawal under any terms. And Cheney told us right after the election that we were irrelevant, that our military personnel were irrelevant, that reservists who have been deployed repeatedly…well beyond any reasonable expectation…are irrelevant, that the families of the wounded and dead, the families of service people in Iraq are irrelevant, when he famously told an interviewer right on the heels of the November election that in Iraq it is “full speed ahead”.

Whatever the hell “ahead” means to this band of incompetents (you can be incompetent without being dumb…and these guys are the double societal whammy of incompetent and evil…meaning we’re as fucked as fucked can be).

I lean toward thinking that withdrawal is a horrible strategy. When we leave Iraq will be a bloodbath, though certainly I realize that anyone can rightly argue that it already is. I think that numerous Iraqi’s will be wiped out in sectarian violence that is primarily of our own making. Yes, their is a history of tribal warfare in Iraq. There may not have been any solution to head that off…which to me is another argument that points to the utter incompetence of our strategic planning in this ugly escapade. But, in the absence of any clear cut strategy in Iraq - and there is and never has been a clear cut strategy in Iraq - withdrawal is the best option.

To throw one of the most over-employed syllogisms of the MBA Administration back in its face…no self-respecting corporation would ever settle for a vague strategy like stand up/ stand down. If they did, their shareholders would sell and we’d all sit back and watch the company flounder and eventually tank. The problem in Iraq is that it isn’t merely private wealth that is being destroyed by this perfect failure on the part of the executive team. It is the lives of our service people, their families and friends, and of countless Iraqi citizens.

The ICE raid in Worthington, MN has left many families without one or both wage earners. Which means there’s a lot of need among the immigrant community in Worthington. So, here’s something you can do about it…

Give us toys. No. Really.

Working in conjunction with the Minnesota Immigrant Freedom Network, LME is gathering toys to give a little taste of Christmas to a bunch of little dudes down in Worthington. There are various ways you can go about getting them to us.

1.) Come to a performance of Santa Man at the Bryant-Lake Bowl (relevant details here) We have shows at 7pm tonight (Monday the 18th) and 7pm on Friday the 22nd and Saturday the 23rd. Anyone bringing an unwrapped new toy gets in on a 2-for-1 discount. Sorry, but the folks at the BLB are nice enough to let us do this but it presents a major hassle to change their box office system to account for half-price tickets. So…bring a toy (or a bunch of ‘em if you want) and someone else and both of you get in for a total of $10. The 2-for-1 is arranged such that the production makes no money on your tickets. You bring something to help out those little dudes and that’s good enough for us.

2.) You don’t have to come to the show. On those same dates (18th, 22nd, 23rd) meet us in the parking lot behind the BLB between 8:30pm - 9:00pm. Drop off to us there. Don’t come into the BLB…they won’t know what the hell you’re talking about.

3.) Email me at rik-at-reppe-dot-com and I’ll arrange a dropoff or to come pick stuff up from you.

All toys will be delivered to Worthington on Dec. 24th and distributed to little dudes there in time for Christmas.

If you would like to do something other than toys please bring the following (discount to Santa Man will apply):

• Food items: cookies, cereal, rice, beans, maseca
• Disposable diapers
• Soon an organization working with MIFN will have an account setup to which you can write checks with the money going to provide financial assistance to immigrant families impacted by the raid. We will provide that information as soon as we have it. If you’d like to write a check we’re happy to deliver it to them. We will not take cash…too hard to provide an audit trail and, you know, we’re liberals so we’re poor and we could live without the temptation.

We will continue to take donations throughout the week of the 25th and the 2-for-1 discount will apply to the performances of Santa Man on the 28th and 29th.

Last Xmas I accidentally had one of the most meaningful experiences of my life handing out toys to kids in New Orleans on Christmas day. It’s amazing what a little thing like a toy can do to light up a kid when he or she is not expecting anything on Christmas. This, in fact, is what the show Santa Man is about. We’d like to do what we can to help those little dudes in Worthington have a little bit o’ Christmas this year. So…anyone who can help, come on down to the show or give us a shout at the email address and we’ll get some stuff moving down to those folks in need.

Note from Matthew: Go see Rik’s show. Bring toys. Here’s the link to Bryant-Lake Bowl’s information about the show.

A shocking—shocking—report (via one of Andrew Sullivan’s deputies) about how getting school’d at Yale leads to status-obsession and depression. News? Absolutely! At least for someone who hasn’t been watching the continuing saga of Rory Gilmore, Heiress to All Stress Everywhere.

Seriously, all of us in the underclasses knew that about Yale already. That’s why there are sitcoms based there. I mean: Duh.

So, Time’s blogger Andrew Sullivan is on his usual Christmas vacation this year. Fine, don’t begrudge him that. He needs the rest, and it’s not always relaxing waging a one-man war against the definition of contemporary conservatism and be called a yucky liberal all the time, even though you still probably wear your Reagan ‘84 button on your messenger bag every day. But then I read “10 things I love about America”, written by one of the pinch hitters, Daniel Finkelstein. To give you an example:

1. Loaded potato skins

2. The Constitution and the Bill of Rights

3. Walt Disney

4. The fact that almost everyone you meet in America is incredibly polite

5. The fact that almost everyone you meet in New York isn’t

…

10. The fact that you send your children across the world to risk their lives for liberty and spend billions of your dollars on it, even though the people whose liberty you are saving, including my fellow Europeans, don’t say thank you properly.

Seriously? No, really, I mean… seriously? This reads like a list of things to love about America that American conservatives who don’t have a passport and who haven’t been to New York would imagine a European conservative who lived in America would love about America. The kinds of conservatives like, say, Rush Limbaugh fans. Or at least the ones I know.

Daniel! Put down the David Brooks!

As an American who does have a passport and who has been to New York and who really did grow up in the Heartland and now lives in one of those quaint second-tier cities (never mind for the moment that Minneapolis-St. Paul has over twice the population of Prague), I can fully attest that New Yorkers are, in my experience, more polite and certainly less violent than most anyone else in this country. But only if you stop being all excited that you’re in the “Heartland” and that it’s “authentic” and allow the memories of stupid movies to cloud your prejudices.

And what’s this nonsense about Europeans not saying thank you properly. Until very recently, the United States was given a lot of deference by most European governments. For God’s sake, there are more streets named after Roosevelt and Kennedy on that damn continent than there are in North America. And since when is money, unconditional love and a lifetime supply of Nutella a condition of liberating a people? Do it because it’s the right thing to do, don’t do it because you’re expecting to get laid afterwards. Reserve that sort of attitude for mercenaries.

Oh, this is going to be a long few weeks. Come back soon, Andy.

Presenting an occasional series: BATTLE OF THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA BLOGGERS.

I’ve long been of the opinion that mainstream, non-opinion media—newspapers, magazines, TV stations and the like—shouldn’t coax their staff into blogging or hire bloggers. They have too much to lose. Me? I’m a playwright. I have nothing to fear in the form of reprisals from CondéNast. Would that it were so!

So what would it be like if the bloggers who dare not whisper J C Penny’s name got into a fight? Or a popularity contest? That’s what I’ve been pondering all goddamn afternoon. So… Enter Amanda Congdon, ABCNews.com’s new video blogger, who just started this week (I know that because the ABCNews site has been featuring her peeling rack prominently in between Brittney and N-Mal, which is what I’ve decided we all should call the prime minister of Iraq so that he gets more ink).

Then enter Katherine Kersten, the former Center of the American Experiment shill who is a “metro” columnist (if by “metro” you mean “the block where the Taxpayers League eats foie gras out of the hollowed-out skulls of illegal immigrants”) and blogger at Minneapolis’s own StarTribune. Ding!:

Katherine may have the spunk, the drive, the sheer Force of Will in a very Ayn-Randy-Götterdämmerungish way, what with all of the friendly Wagnerian advice and the “Isn’t that a pity that you’re wrong even in the face of conclusive proof that my facts are embarrassingly inaccurate” clucking, but Amanda has the rack, the Web producers willing to exploit her rack and a check from Disney.

So Amanda wins. Back to the drawing board, Gyllenhaal.

Next up: The Star Tribune’s Green Girl vs. Time’s Andrew Sullivan. Or possibly National Review’s Kathryn Jean “K-Lo” Lopez vs. NY Times’s Stanley Fish. See how deliriously happy this can make you? Don’t you wish Dana Milbank had a blog right now?

Compare and contrast:

Who knew that the horsemen of the apocalypse were going to be so skinny?

UPDATE: This one made more sense to me not five minutes later:

New interface proving confusing. . .

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

A regional university plans to produce a play that satirizes prominent religious figure. Local Religious authorities are outraged and scandalized, calling for it’s immediate censorship and banning.

This description most accurately fits:

A) Minneapolis
B) Tehran

Continue reading “What I meant to say. . .”

You know the Prez is barely treading water when he trots out Laura as the indignantly wounded wife standing by her man.

You know the Prez is going under when he trots out the media bias accusation.

But both at the same time? Poetry, y’all. Sheer poetry.

Laura was on MSNBC just now being righteously indignant about her man’s treatment by the press going so far as say the recent slew of polls showing that the vast majority of the country (including majorities of Republicans) think Iraq is a train wreck, the Prez is obstinate, don’t believe he knows what he’s doing, and everyone wants the hell out…was…say it with me and say it proud, people…Liberal Media Bias. The evil press is unbalanced and doesn’t report on the “positives of Iraq”.

We hear at Liberal Media Elite humbly take credit for that. We borrowed a page from the Fox playbook and have been sending out talking points every day to our liberal media minions instructing them to hammer relentlessly on the negatives of Iraq. Being minions they have dutifully complied and not a-one even thought to ask, “Who the hell are you guys?”

Good, good minions!

But, the First Lady’s impressive motherly and wifely powers have pierced even the frozen heart of LME. In the interest of proving we can be as fair and balanced as Fox News (and because we are more than a little afraid of Laura’s schoolmarm wrath) we bring you the following Exclusive Positive From Iraq.

The Green Zone High School Bake Sale raised $146.82 on Wednesday. Skipper McNaughton, President of the Green Zone High School Student Council (upon his election the President sent him an autographed “I’m the Decider” baseball cap) told us here at LME that all proceeds (after deducting for expenses and general and administrative costs) will go toward buying critically needed armor for troops currently deployed in Iraq. In further good news, Skipper told us (via web video uplink) “2 Iraqi’s even bought stuff. They love democracy!”

Again, this was an exclusive report from the Liberal Media Elite - Paragons of Fairness.

So, someone please tell Laura we’ve just reported the whole entire positive from Iraq. ‘Cause, man, I do not want to get detention, again. She, like, makes you study and shit instead of sending text messages to the cute chick two tables over.

In the coming months we’re going to see some interesting consolidation in the airline industry. This consolidation will lead to you having fewer choices, higher prices, and worse service (I know that’s hard to imagine…but it’ll happen).

And it’s all the fault of the Republicans.

Back in 2001-2, post-9/11, every one of the major carriers came a-calling to Congress and lobbying the Prez for “relief” due to financial stress brought about by the terrorist attacks. Always looking for a good excuse to engage in some good ol’ fashioned corporate welfare, our government complied. US Airways was the biggest beneficiary (of many) in an industry that has resorted to bankruptcy as its primary strategic tool. Congress asserted that failing to bailout the airlines with loan guarantees and relaxing of various regs would result in a horrific consolidation that would, in turn, result in the US airline industry going from a handful of carriers to a fingerful of mega-carriers leading to less choice for consumers all because the terrorists killed the air travel industry blahblahblah.

Sounded good but it was total horseshit. Anyone with the ability to read annual reports could see that all the majors were in a consistent decline and had been for years. This decline was brought about by two things…ghastly and totally entrenched and unimaginative management on the part of the majors…and the emergence of low cost carriers like Southwest and AirTran that kicked the shit out of the majors. They kicked the shit the majors because they had to be innovative in marketing, pricing in operations to even have a chance at competing with the existing oligopoly.

And, of course, those august legislators that were the most forceful advocates for bailing out the airlines conveniently ignored the fact that the government, which has to review and approve any such merger, could always shitcan them.

Industry analysts have for years been saying that before the industry can achieve profitability seats have to come off the market. That means that an airline or two has to die. US Air was on the verge of having to liquidate but the government bailout allowed them to go to bankruptcy and, as a result, stay alive. Now, that airline is the primary instigator of the march toward megacarriers as it looks to merge with any of the several bankrupt or near bankrupt airlines (Northwest, Delta, Continental). US Air’s sniffing around at this applies pressure to other majors to do the same thing (yesterday it was reported that United and Continental were in merger talks) thus leading to the very thing Congress said it wanted to avoid.

It is a predictable outcome. The fact that there are newer carriers that have found ways to be profitable tells you that the market, when allowed to work, comes up with a solution. Innovative newcomers figure out new models and thrive. Old dinosaurs adapt or disappear. Republicans, the party of Free Markets, have an enormously difficult time remembering this.

The only thing they got right back then was the assertion that mega-carriers will kill consumer choice, allow horribly run companies to have a competitive advantage, dampen innovation, and keep a moribund industry sector moribund. If, back in the day, we had simply let US Air liquidate and cease to exist (and it had tried very, very hard for many, many years to completely, utterly, thoroughly fail) it is likely that enough seats would have come off the market that we would not now be looking at an airline industry that is a poster child for bad operations and fiscal management. Additional carriers like Northwest and Delta, etc. probably would not have gone bankrupt or teetered on the edge of it.

The moral of this story is let these companies die. New organizations will appear that have come up with better structures and strategies that will allow them to thrive. In an industry in which analysts across the board have been saying that there are simply too many seats available, the best thing you could do for the industry and its consumers is stay the hell out of the way. The weakest player(s) will go under. It ain’t that hard to figure out.

Think about this the next time you hear about Congress getting ready to bail out an industry be it auto, airline, utilities, whatever. It almost never works. The benefits rarely offset the costs.

As the Boy Who Would Be King continues his ongoing analysis of what we should do in Iraq (note to Bubble Boy - traditionally developing a strategy is something you do before you start a war, please bear this in mind prior to your next adventure in imperialism) he keeps getting suggestions that have got to piss him off.

First, the Iraq Study Group suggested he use diplomacy. Something he’s been way against all along.

Now the Joint Chiefs have given him a recommendation that has US Troops shifting focus from fighting the insurgency to functioning primarily as advisors to the Iraqi military. They also recommended removing the ban on Baath party members serving in the government, and heavily emphasized the need for political reconciliation and economic reconstruction…including a jobs program that would help pull young Iraqi’s away from militias.

Again…things he’s been opposed to from the outset. It will, of course, be interesting to see how he spins it when he chooses to ignore all these suggestions.

At the end of the WaPo article on the topic was a paragraph that affirms something many Democrats have been asserting… to widespread ridicule from Attack Poodles on the Right…

A constant subtext in the meeting yesterday, and in the ongoing White
House review, is the Joint Chiefs’ growing concern about the erosion of
the U.S. military’s ability to deal with other crises around the world
because of the heavy commitment in Iraq and the stress on troops and
equipment, said officials familiar with the review. The chiefs planned
to tell Bush of the significantly increased risk to readiness in the
event of a new emergency, rather than push for a timeline to leave Iraq.

Again…strategery is something we prefer to do before taking action. Here’s hoping that lesson gets through.

I was going through a big bucket of change tonight to sort it all out. Partly to find coins to give my nephew Nick for Christmas. Partly to scrounge through what I suspected would be a few more euro to put into my pocket for my January trip to Hungary, Austria, Germany, France, Belgium and Switzerland (not all of which are eurozone countries, but nevermind).

Do you know what I found?

After five minutes—Iceland, Europe, Mexico, Europe, Singapore, Europe, Hong Kong, Europe, Canada, Canada, Canada, Europe—I found well over €20 in my collection. How much over €20 in the change bucket?

€98 to be precise. Of course, some of that—most of that—was in bills. But still.

I’m starting this trip out with $125 in my pocket. Just after I spent all day freaking out because of money.

Thank you, Santa. You’re now off the hook.

By the way, my personal blog (where you can read more stories like this) is now here. For those of you who know me, that is.